It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
