alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
