You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
