My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize