He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I am naked and annoyed.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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