I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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