Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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