he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
