i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
