I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
