Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Randomize
