HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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