I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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