Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Randomize