was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
