my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
17 year olds will be the death of me.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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