The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Pants are for mortals
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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