I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Randomize
