i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
