Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
