I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
