Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
