dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
