You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
