did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
