Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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