bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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