I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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