im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Randomize
