I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
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