do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
It's never too late to be topless.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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