New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
