areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize