I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Randomize
