I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Randomize
