just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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