so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
