I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize