Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
