im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Alive.
So much puke
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
