just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
