I want you more than these girls want KFC
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Everything about him screamed your future.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
