; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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