ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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