some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
tell me about the fingering
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