I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
