I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
