I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
