And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Randomize
