Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
