she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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