What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Randomize