Ambien. No doubt about it.
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
