Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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