It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize