he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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