There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
