I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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