he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
