What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize
