What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
