He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize
