You smell like stripper and shame
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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