There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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