I just made out with a guy for $7.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
