ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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