I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
You know, be my cock's hype man.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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