wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I have surprise drugs for everyone
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
