this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
