Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Randomize
