Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
